A joyous moment from D201

This story will need a bit of background.  Apartment D201 was the on-campus home of three other college bachelors and myself for two and a half years.  We were all part of the Scholars or Honors program, so naturally we studied hard and used what few breaks we had to bring mayhem upon each other.  The characters are as follows:

R: Engineering major.  Unofficial female psychology/biology minor.  Cause of the majority of our apartment's notoriety.
Z: English major. Wants to become a preacher, making him the focus of our collective attempts at corruption.
D: Bio major. Introverted, unassuming, martial arts fanatic.
J: Former D201 roommate. Engineering major.  Brawn for most of the apartment antics.
Guy: Bio major with a fixation on music and organic chemistry. Your humble scribe.

Z started off a decent guy when we first moved in together.  Reserved, bookish, musician tendencies, hung out and vegged with us regularly; he fit right in.  Then he started dating girls on campus, and we got to meet his Mr. Hyde.  We roommates were no longer buddies, pals, or anything remotely familiar.  We were now possible embarrassments to the image Z wanted to portray to his woman.  He wanted to be the pure guy, the prototypical aspiring preacher: quiet, gentlemanly, choir-boy image with no scuffs to his pure facade.  Not to say us roomies were bad people (we weren't), but we were fun-loving guys who liked nothing more than to embarrass the snot out of each other via practical jokes, dark humor, and other college bachelor things.  Needless to say, when we got clued in to Z's new behavior, we were thrilled at the opportunity he had presented us.  The smallest attempt to mess with him resulted in quiet looks of rage from Z.  The culmination of these attempts is as follows.

J came over regularly to hang out and study (he lived in the apartment above us), and one night as R, J, and I were studying, he introduced us to his newest practical joke.  D was sequestered in his room at the end of the hall, studying biology, chemistry, or something (who knows).  J walks up to D's closed door, drops his pants, and knocks loudly.  An irritated D yanks the door open, growls something about busy and studying, then he begins to wonder why J is just standing there grinning happily (never a good thing).  D's eyes finally make their way south, he notices J's boxers, his mouth flops open, and then he sighs and acknowledges being pranked.  Understand, these were some of those boxer which left nothing to the imagination.  Low-grade homoerotic image at best.

After the laughter subsides, we decide that Z is in need of similar treatment.  He and his girlfriend* had, per Z's protocol, entered the apartment, acknowledged our presence, and then slipped into his room to close the door.  They had been this way for a while before, during, and after J's prank on D.  J made his way up to the door, repeated the above noted performance, and got a benign smile from Z in response.  That smile was not a joyful one; it was intended to convey a quiet threat.  Keep in mind, Z's girlfriend is behind him studying on the bed and had a front row seat to the show.  Also note that Z attempted to emulate D in the martial arts respect.  He was quick (I had sparred with him a few times), but he wasn't innovative or particularly competent when it came to roughhousing.  His next move sealed the deal on this story.

Z tried to reach out and side/roundhouse/something-kick J, partly out of humor and partly because he was truly embarrassed to open the door to his room to find J with his pants around his ankles.  And he meant for that kick to connect.  J saw it coming, caught Z's leg, dropped him to the ground, and physically balled him up into an ass-up fetal position in Z's doorway.  D took this opportunity to run around the corner and add insult to injury by slapping Z's perfectly presented posterior.  In about 2 seconds Z had gone from embarrassed to just plain pissed.

Z: You do know I can punch you in the balls from here.
J: You do know that I can destroy you as a human being from here.

Eventually both agreed to not emasculate/kill each other and the rest of us stopped laughing long enough to avoid hypoxia.  J let Z up, pulled up his pants, and waited until Z closed his door back.  Then we all dissolved once more into gales of laughter.

"You folded him up, neutralized him, and threatened to kill him, all with you pants down in front of his girlfriend!"

There are times I deeply miss that apartment.

-Guy


*Understand, his girlfriend was actually a cool person.  She got along well with all of us and found these events to be fairly humorous. Don't ask me why she dated him.